{#2} hopeless

The year of 2015 was the peak of my writing. Everything was so unexplored yet so genuine. As I was growing and taking the first steps towards more serious and consistent ways of expressing myself, the emotion was very raw and there was a lot of it.

Now, one day I skimmed through my previous files and looked at my writing blog just to find a piece of poetry that I consider to be the longest and the most honest one I’ve ever written. It was the only time I remember having such spark of inspiration. Hopelessness was part of it and the title of this post is, indeed, dramatic but so is this piece!

A little backstory: it was written in April, 2015. During that time, I was approaching my final high school exams and graduation. I – someone who was not getting the grades she wanted, who was losing interest in academic success, who was starting to explore herself and whose explorations scared the living shit out of her. I think I was also starting to get to know art, graphics and editing, but it was really hard to do without any artistic background or education. With art, there also was an issue of exposure – putting your work for people to see. Long story short, I was developing a habit of hating my work. Additionally to that, there was a collision of worlds: senior year of high school, upcoming adulthood and a new life ahead were weighing heavily on my shoulders. 

And even though some issues were tackled, new ones were born, I grew as a person and am handling myself well enough, this piece remains very important to me. It’s the manifesto to the loss of innocence; to growth; to adolescence; to blooming dreams of a youngster.

It’s a song to my rebelliously ambitious self. Sung as a contradiction to itself.

— Don’t think of it too much, just enjoy —

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