for me today was
waking up early after weeks of oversleeping; getting out of the house after winning a debate with myself and feeling comfortable with it.
It was the fact that I was out there, going to new places, fucking up and figuring it out, feeling little to no shame about it. It was the fact that I was taking care of myself, showing me off in such ways like wearing no makeup and having no expectations.
And it was mainly the fact that I could look at the reflection of every car window and,
for once, think that
‘hey, i’m actually quite alright’p.s. i’ll be back soon
Happy national poetry day! I shall mark my calendar because I was not aware of this occasion up until some tweet notifications came through.
Today I want to quickly share a poem to celebrate this day. It is very recent, actually, from last night. I rarely get bursts of inspiration these days but yesterday ended with a bundle of overwhelming feelings I haven’t experienced in quite a while, and at 12 am this artpiece was born!
The year of 2015 was the peak of my writing. Everything was so unexplored yet so genuine. As I was growing and taking the first steps towards more serious and consistent ways of expressing myself, the emotion was very raw and there was a lot of it.
Now, one day I skimmed through my previous files and looked at my writing blog just to find a piece of poetry that I consider to be the longest and the most honest one I’ve ever written. It was the only time I remember having such spark of inspiration. Hopelessness was part of it and the title of this post is, indeed, dramatic but so is this piece!
A little backstory: it was written in April, 2015. During that time, I was approaching my final high school exams and graduation. I – someone who was not getting the grades she wanted, who was losing interest in academic success, who was starting to explore herself and whose explorations scared the living shit out of her. I think I was also starting to get to know art, graphics and editing, but it was really hard to do without any artistic background or education. With art, there also was an issue of exposure – putting your work for people to see. Long story short, I was developing a habit of hating my work. Additionally to that, there was a collision of worlds: senior year of high school, upcoming adulthood and a new life ahead were weighing heavily on my shoulders.
And even though some issues were tackled, new ones were born, I grew as a person and am handling myself well enough, this piece remains very important to me. It’s the manifesto to the loss of innocence; to growth; to adolescence; to blooming dreams of a youngster.
It’s a song to my rebelliously ambitious self. Sung as a contradiction to itself.
— Don’t think of it too much, just enjoy —
Well, well, well. If we all casually and collectively whip out our watches (or unlock our phone screens, I don’t know what I meant by watches either, is it the 21st century or not??) we will see that today is the 11th of January.
That is already 11 days of the New Year. The beautiful, promising 2017! And if we look at this post’s title, what conclusions can we make?
Take a few steps in
The water becomes colder
Numbing the feelings
Diving in deeper
Just as I become older
My journey begins
When it comes to poetry, my journey begins way earlier than you’d expect. However, at the time I was less aware of the word ‘poetry’ and more into ‘these lines sound pretty when they rhyme.’